For those who missed it, one of our unlucky food-loving counterparts in the US of A has been struck down by a persistant case of the munchies.
He was hit with “sweats and shaking” while consuming a “Triple Bypass Burger” (clue is in the name) at popular Vegas restaurant The Heart Attack Grill. Poor soul.
Surely, individuals are the victims here.
Heck, our generation spent the vast majority of our pre-primary school childhoods scaling McDonald’s playgrounds and hoofing cheeseburgers - who are we to make informed health decisions?
There are indeed more malevolant forces at play here.
The top five ‘to blame’ list for society’s over-eating epidemic:
1. Ronald McDonald: That slim, smiling clown with a love of all things greasy and delicious. With such decorated musical, culinary and athletic careers, how are poor souls like us supposed to know a BigMac is best left off the breakfast table?
2. Matt Preston: The rotund foodie that dominates our screens for six months a year is surely inspiration to a new generation of eaters. If filling up on pastries can land you a wicked gig on telly and a sweet collection of cravats, we’d be up for seconds, too.
3. Diego Maradona: The Argentine footy legend is living, lumbering proof that you CAN maintain that elusive work, life, food, illicit drug balance that so many of us strive for.
4. Iain Hewitson: With a penchant for cooking high-calory foods in exotic locations, ol’ Huey made food (and moustaches) an attractive proposition to us impressionable youngsters.
5. Keith Mann: Weighing in at 58-stone, this UK monstrosity proved being extraordinarily large would not only net you a comfy bed to laze in all day, but seven loyal servants as well.
- Alex Fynes-Clinton -